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Sermon: Exculpate
by Chris Cumming
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I was in a counseling session in recent weeks wherein I was talking to a
member who had been emotionally hurt by another member of the church.
The person hurt kept bringing up an incident that had taken place some
five years prior. Puzzled, I asked this hurt member if they had
considered forgiveness and/or the fact this offender, in all
probability, had long repented of this offense. This person replied and
I quote, "It isn't about forgiveness or repentance."
Is this possible in the face of scriptures like this:
Mark 11:25
And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that
your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Ephesians 4:32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Colossians 3:12-13
12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of
mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a
quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
1 Peter 3:8-9
8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love
as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise
blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a
blessing.
These verses add to forgiveness the elements of tenderness, bowels of
mercies, kindness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forbearance,
compassion, pity, courtesy, and the admonition to not render evil for
evil.
How could this person possibly say the situation was not about
forgiveness? Just what is forgiveness? How does it work? Who is
involved in the act of forgiveness? Is forgiveness a declaration of the
heart, an act or a process? Are there other elements involved that we
could add to the list just mentioned?
In this sermon we will answer these questions and more as I encourage
all of us to fully forgive. By, "fully forgive" I mean to forgive
bringing in all the spiritual elements involved with the word,
"forgive."
Fully forgive.
You can already see that many biblical concepts are linked to
forgiveness and we will see more before we are done with this sermon..
Therefore you can conclude there are probably a number of other words
that are linked to the word, "forgive." Let us go to the Thesaurus.
Thesaurus:
Purgation: The act of purging. To get rid of whatever is impure
or undesirable; Cleanse; purify. To clear of guilt.
Absolution: The act of freeing from blame or guilt, release from
consequences, obligations, or penalties.
Amnesty: A forgetting or overlooking of any past offense.
Clemency: Disposition to show forbearance, compassion, or
forgiveness in judging or punishing; leniency; mercy.
Compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who
is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate
the suffering.
Dispensation: A dispensing with, doing away with, or doing
without something.
Grace: Mercy; clemency; pardon. Antonym: harshness
Acquittal: Giving release. A discharge or settlement of a debt.
Exculpate [ek-skuhl-peyt]:
To clear from a charge of guilt or fault; free from blame; vindicate
Exonerate: to clear from an accusation; free from guilt or blame.
Impunity: Exemption from punishment.
Overlook: To fail to notice, perceive or consider. To disregard
faults or misconduct.
The antonyms or opposite to forgiveness are:
Blame
Cruelty
Meanness
Mercilessness
Accusation
Censure
Punishment
Applying these antonyms to the offender can damage him. Relentless or
severe application of these harsh elements can virtually destroy the
heart, mind and soul of the one being attacked. It could have him
questioning his life and/or calling and/or faith and/or conversion
and/or his existence on the planet.
Immediately we see that forgiveness is more than the declaration, "I
forgive you." It involves action and a continual, lifelong process.
When we forgive someone, as God forgives us, it is forever.
From all these words from the Thesaurus, we get the following elements
to include in the act and process of forgiveness:
--Purging of the impure or undesirable.
--Clearing the offender of guilt.
--Freeing the offender from blame, guilt, consequences, obligations, or
penalties.
--Forgetting or overlooking of the offense.
--Showing mercy, compassion or forgiveness.
--Forgiveness by not judging or punishing.
--Having and showing deep sympathy and sorrow for those stricken by
misfortune, especially those who may have caused the offense out of
ignorance or some shortcoming.
--Having a strong desire to alleviate the suffering for everyone
involved.
--Dispensing with the offense and all things negative to the situation.
--Giving pardon to the offender rather than blame, revenge, hatred and
personal attacks.
--Give the offender complete release from the situation.
--To clear the offender from guilt, fault or blame.
--Ceasing from accusation, guilt, or blame.
The act of forgiveness is not a feeling, emotion or declaration to the
offending party. It is a process where the offense is utterly destroyed
from the relationship. Clearly the offender is going to have to
consider and deal with any underlying cause of the offense. What this
means is that the offended is going to have to decide whether the
relationship will continue. This consideration is absolutely separate
from the element of forgiveness. Forgiveness must be invoked and the
offense utterly destroyed from the relationship prior to making a
decision about continuing the relationship. Much of this will rest in
the nature of the offense.
I now want to look at some biblical definitions of forgiveness for
others. What we are about to see or realize in these definitions are
there are three individuals involved in every offense and the follow-up
of forgiveness:
1] God
2] Offended
3] Offender
Before either human can invoke the process of forgiveness, God must
forgive us. God forgives us generally and in each instance,
specifically. Then the offended must forgive the offender and finally,
the offender must forgive himself. Each forgiveness process invoked
must be comprehensive including each and every element you find in this
sermon.
Biblical Definition of Forgiveness of Others [found
on the Internet]
As believers, our relationship with God is restored, but what about our
relationship with our fellow human beings? The Bible states that when
someone hurts us, we are under an obligation to God to forgive that
person. Jesus is very clear on this point:
Matthew 6:14-15
14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will
also forgive you:
15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father
forgive your trespasses.
Refusing to forgive is a sin. If we receive forgiveness from God, we
must give it to others who hurt us. We cannot hold grudges or seek
revenge. We are to trust God for justice and forgive the person who
offended us. That does not mean we must forget the offense, however;
usually that's beyond our power. Forgiveness means releasing the other
from blame, leaving the event in God's hands, and moving on.
How to Forgive: Understanding Others [found
on the Internet with edits by me]
Even when other people's criticism is valid, it's still hard to take. It
reminds us that we have failed in some way. We didn't measure up to
their expectations, and often when they remind us of that, tact is low
on their priority list. True forgiveness must stop the criticism and it
must greatly limit or stop what some call, "constructive criticism."
Rather than constant constructive criticism, the offended needs to show
love and give encouragement; constant encouragement.
Sometimes our critics [which can often
include the one you offended] have ulterior motives. They
may very well be engaging in revenge and wanting to hurt you more than
you hurt them. All these attacks are forms of hatred and may result in
the offender running from further contact with the offended.
Jesus understood the brokenness of the human condition. No one knows the
human heart like him. He forgave tax collectors and prostitutes, and
forgave his best friend Peter, for betraying him. On the stake, he even
forgave the people who killed him. He knows that humans—all humans—are
weak.
For us, though, it usually doesn't help to know that those who have hurt
us are weak. All we know is that we were injured and we can't seem to
get over it. Jesus' command in the Lord's Prayer seems too hard to obey:
Matthew 6:12
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
I went to a clinical web site that had a piece on forgiveness.
What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing
negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment.
Forgiveness can be a gift that we give to ourselves. Here are some easy
steps towards forgiveness:
Acknowledge your own inner pain.
Express those emotions in non-hurtful ways without yelling or attacking.
Protect yourself from further victimization.
Try to understand the point of view and motivations of the person to be
forgiven; replace anger with compassion.
Forgive yourself for your role in the relationship.
Decide whether to remain in the relationship. This may include ending
the relationship for a period of time or possibly forever.
Perform the overt act of forgiveness verbally or in writing. If the
person is dead or unreachable, you can still write down your feelings in
letter form.
What Forgiveness Is Not…
Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending it didn’t happen. It did
happen, and we need to retain the lesson learned without holding onto
the pain.
Forgiveness is not excusing. We excuse a person who is not to blame. We
forgive because a wrong was committed.
Forgiveness is not giving permission to continue hurtful behaviors; nor
is it condoning the behavior in the past or in the future.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation. We have to make a separate decision
about whether to reconcile with the person we are forgiving or whether
to maintain our distance.
I found another definition on the Internet.
What is a definition for forgiveness?
A definition for forgiveness could be -- giving up my right to hurt you,
for hurting me. It is impossible to live on this fallen planet without
getting hurt, offended, misunderstood, lied to, and rejected. Learning
how to respond properly is one of the basics of the Christian life.
The word “forgive” means to wipe the slate clean, to pardon, to cancel a
debt. When we wrong someone, we seek his or her forgiveness in order for
the relationship to be restored. It is important to remember that
forgiveness is not granted because a person deserves to be forgiven.
Instead, it is an act of love, mercy, and grace.
How we act toward that person may change. It doesn't mean we will put
ourselves back into a harmful situation or that we suddenly accept or
approve of the person's continued wrong behavior. It simply means we
release them from the wrong they committed against us. We forgive them
because God forgave us.
From the Wikipedia:
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim
undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, let’s
go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability
to wish the offender well.
Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing
to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness),
excusing (not holding the offender as
responsible for the action), forgetting
(removing awareness of the offense from
consciousness), and reconciliation (restoration
of a relationship)
This next excerpt comes from the site of an attorney:
Forgiveness is not only a result, but a process of letting go of the
past and opening to the future, of reclaiming energy from events we do
not need in our lives, and of accepting ourselves more fully. It is a
way of releasing ourselves from the past, from the burden of our own
false expectations, and from the pain we have experienced at the hands
of others. It is a release from judgment including our judgments of
ourselves.
Forgiveness does not mean we agree with what the other party did, or
that what they did was right, or that we should excuse their actions. It
means separating forgivable people from unforgivable actions.
Forgiveness does not mean we can change what happened or erase what was
done. What's done is done. All we can do is release ourselves from
continuing to suffer for what happened to us in the past and dedicate
ourselves to making sure that it does not happen in the future.
Forgiveness is not something we do for someone else, but to free
ourselves from unhealthy pain, anger and shame. Anger gives the
appearance of being powerful, but leaves us feeling frustrated and
powerless. Forgiveness appears weak, but leaves us feeling stronger and
less vulnerable to others. Forgiveness is a gift to our own peace of
mind, our self-esteem, our relationships with others and our future. It
frees us from entanglement in the past. It helps us reestablish control
over our lives by letting go of unpleasant things in the past and frees
us to move in more positive directions.
Forgiveness cannot be forced or coerced, but can only be given freely.
Each of us has the power to do so independently of others. It is a
choice, and it is within our control. By not forgiving the person who
wronged us we continue to inflict the pain they caused on ourselves.
Forgiveness is a personal choice that requires us to take responsibility
for our actions and feelings. It requires us to be responsible to and
for ourselves, even for our own continued pain and humiliation. It means
being responsible for the choices we make, including anger and releasing
ourselves from anger. It means taking back the responsibility and power
we have given to someone else for our feelings.
Anger links us through a negative bond with the person we cannot
forgive. When we cannot forgive, the other person remains, haunting our
thoughts. A single memory or sight of them can throw us off balance or
spark an addictive response. By refusing to forgive them, we are
controlled by them as we would have been if we had never left their
side. Forgiveness leads to release from being controlled negatively by
the image of them that we have internalized.
Beyond forgiveness lies the possibility of reconciliation, which is the
point at which the conflict comes full circle and is actually completely
ended. This last phase of the resolution process takes place after the
fighting has ceased, the issues have been settled, and the other person
has been forgiven. Reconciliation means being able to be in the other
person's presence without a twinge of anger or discomfort.
Forgiving the other does not end the process. Everyone in conflict needs
to forgive themselves. People who are deeply angry at others are also
angry that they tolerated disrespectful or painful behavior, so they
turn their anger against themselves. For conflict to be transcended, it
must be let go of at both ends, and in the middle as well. Even when
forgiveness and reconciliation occur, they need to be reinforced and
supported by others, and by the culture of the family and relationship.
We are never the same once we have been harmed or injured and we are
never the same once we have reached forgiveness and reconciliation.
I now want to share some quotes on forgiveness.
QUOTES
General:
"Forgiveness is God's command."
"Forgiving is not easy, but it is the path to healing."
"Forgiveness means letting go of the past."
"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do
change the future."
On forgiving
others:
"Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than
the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet,
there is no peace without forgiveness."
"It's not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people.
But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you."
"Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against
others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly."
"We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past
wounds and nursing old grudges."
"When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive."
On forgiving
yourself:
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the
strong."
"People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to
forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on."
"Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on."
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was
you."
So how do we Fully Forgive? Let us finish this sermon by looking at how
God forgives fully.
We must acknowledge the fact that Christ died for our sins and then it
is important we harbor no hatred for anyone. We must release that
hatred in all its forms.
1 John 2:1
1 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not.
And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ
the righteous:
2 And he is the propitiation [pruh-pish-ee-ey-shuh
n-meaning conciliate, reconcile] for our sins: and not for
ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.
3 And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments.
4 He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a
liar, and the truth is not in him.
5 But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God
perfected: hereby know we that we are in him.
6 He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as
he walked.
7 Brethren, I write no new commandment unto you, but an old commandment
which ye had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word which
ye have heard from the beginning.
8 Again, a new commandment I write unto you, which thing is true in him
and in you: because the darkness is past, and the true light now shineth.
9 He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in
darkness even until now.
10 He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none
occasion of stumbling in him.
11 But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in
darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath
blinded his eyes.
12 I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you
for his name's sake.
Does God cleanse us from all unrighteousness? If so, when?
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Notice that word, "Cleanse." God takes away the negative element
completely. It no longer exists. It cannot be brought up for the rest
of the offender’s life.
Our forgiveness should be like God's.
Psalm 103:10-14
10 He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according
to our iniquities.
11 For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy
toward them that fear him.
12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our
transgressions from us.
13 Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that
fear him.
14 For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
When it comes to the person we forgive, our attitude, thinking and
procedure must be the same as God's.
Does God cleanse us from all unrighteousness? If so, when?
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Quick Rules of
Full Forgiveness:
WHAT YOU THINK, KNOW AND ACKNOWLEDGE CONTINUALLY
---Acknowledge continually that Christ died for our sins.
---Acknowledge and understand continually that God forgives you your
sins continually.
---Acknowledge and understand that all humans are fallible and weak.
---Understand it is impossible to live on this fallen planet without
getting hurt, offended, misunderstood, lied to, and/or rejected.
---Understand that forgiveness is different from condoning, excusing,
forgetting or reconciliation.
---Understand that forgiveness means separating forgivable people from
unforgivable actions.
---Know that forgiveness is a personal release from unhealthy pain,
anger and shame.
---Know that by not forgiving the person who wronged us we continue to
inflict the pain they caused on ourselves.
---Immerse yourself in the Word of God.
---Meditate on the quotes on forgiveness, as well as, the elements of
this sermon, including how God forgives.
WHAT YOU DO
---Forgive everyone who hurts or offends you.
---As you forgive the offender, forgive yourself. Release both offender
and the offended from the offense.
---If the offended engages in forms of revenge and wanting to hurt and
punish you, forgive them, but do all you can to stop or avoid those
forms of hatred.
---Protect yourself from further victimization.
WHAT YOU ADD
---Add to each act of forgiveness the elements of tenderness, bowels of
mercies, kindness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forbearance,
compassion, pity, courtesy, and the admonition to not render evil for
evil.
---If you involve constructive criticism, employ love and constant
encouragement.
WHAT YOU SUBTRACT
---Release all need for revenge, bitterness and resentment.
WHAT YOU PURGE
---Purge out the sin or offense from all consideration. Understand it
no longer exists.
---Clear the offender from any charge of guilt or fault. Never again
blame that offender for that specific sin or offense.
---Purge out from your mind and life the negative elements of blame,
cruelty, meanness, accusation or punishment.
WHAT YOU DECIDE AFTER THE FORGIVENESS
---Decide whether to remain in the relationship.
So go now and Fully Forgive.
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