Sermon: Exculpate
by Chris Cumming
I was in a counseling session in recent weeks wherein I was talking to a member
who had been emotionally hurt by another member of the church. The person hurt
kept bringing up an incident that had taken place some five years prior.
Puzzled, I asked this hurt member if they had considered forgiveness and/or the
fact this offender, in all probability, had long repented of this offense. This
person replied and I quote, "It isn't about forgiveness or repentance."
Is this possible in the face of scriptures like this:
Mark 11:25
And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your
Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Ephesians 4:32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God
for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Colossians 3:12-13
12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies,
kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel
against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
1 Peter 3:8-9
8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as
brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise
blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a
blessing.
These verses add to forgiveness the elements of tenderness, bowels of mercies,
kindness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forbearance, compassion, pity,
courtesy, and the admonition to not render evil for evil.
How could this person possibly say the situation was not about forgiveness?
Just what is forgiveness? How does it work? Who is involved in the act of
forgiveness? Is forgiveness a declaration of the heart, an act or a process?
Are there other elements involved that we could add to the list just mentioned?
In this sermon we will answer these questions and more as I encourage all of us
to fully forgive. By, "fully forgive" I mean to forgive bringing in all the
spiritual elements involved with the word, "forgive."
Fully forgive.
You can already see that many biblical concepts are linked to
forgiveness and we will see more before we are done with this sermon..
Therefore you can conclude there are probably a number of other words that are
linked to the word, "forgive." Let us go to the Thesaurus.
Thesaurus:
Purgation: The act of purging. To get rid of whatever is impure or
undesirable; Cleanse; purify. To clear of guilt.
Absolution: The act of freeing from blame or guilt, release from
consequences, obligations, or penalties.
Amnesty: A forgetting or overlooking of any past offense.
Clemency: Disposition to show forbearance, compassion, or forgiveness in
judging or punishing; leniency; mercy.
Compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is
stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the
suffering.
Dispensation: A dispensing with, doing away with, or doing without
something.
Grace: Mercy; clemency; pardon. Antonym: harshness
Acquittal: Giving release. A discharge or settlement of a debt.
Exculpate [ek-skuhl-peyt]: To clear from a charge of guilt or
fault; free from blame; vindicate
Exonerate: to clear from an accusation; free from guilt or blame.
Impunity: Exemption from punishment.
Overlook: To fail to notice, perceive or consider. To disregard faults
or misconduct.
The antonyms or opposite to forgiveness are:
Blame
Cruelty
Meanness
Mercilessness
Accusation
Censure
Punishment
Applying these antonyms to the offender can damage him. Relentless or severe
application of these harsh elements can virtually destroy the heart, mind and
soul of the one being attacked. It could have him questioning his life and/or
calling and/or faith and/or conversion and/or his existence on the planet.
Immediately we see that forgiveness is more than the declaration, "I forgive
you." It involves action and a continual, lifelong process. When we forgive
someone, as God forgives us, it is forever.
From all these words from the Thesaurus, we get the following elements to
include in the act and process of forgiveness:
--Purging of the impure or undesirable.
--Clearing the offender of guilt.
--Freeing the offender from blame, guilt, consequences, obligations, or
penalties.
--Forgetting or overlooking of the offense.
--Showing mercy, compassion or forgiveness.
--Forgiveness by not judging or punishing.
--Having and showing deep sympathy and sorrow for those stricken by misfortune,
especially those who may have caused the offense out of ignorance or some
shortcoming.
--Having a strong desire to alleviate the suffering for everyone involved.
--Dispensing with the offense and all things negative to the situation.
--Giving pardon to the offender rather than blame, revenge, hatred and personal
attacks.
--Give the offender complete release from the situation.
--To clear the offender from guilt, fault or blame.
--Ceasing from accusation, guilt, or blame.
The act of forgiveness is not a feeling, emotion or declaration to the offending
party. It is a process where the offense is utterly destroyed from the
relationship. Clearly the offender is going to have to consider and deal with
any underlying cause of the offense. What this means is that the offended is
going to have to decide whether the relationship will continue. This
consideration is absolutely separate from the element of forgiveness.
Forgiveness must be invoked and the offense utterly destroyed from the
relationship prior to making a decision about continuing the relationship. Much
of this will rest in the nature of the offense.
I now want to look at some biblical definitions of forgiveness for others. What
we are about to see or realize in these definitions are there are three
individuals involved in every offense and the follow-up of forgiveness:
1] God
2] Offended
3] Offender
Before either human can invoke the process of forgiveness, God must forgive us.
God forgives us generally and in each instance, specifically. Then the offended
must forgive the offender and finally, the offender must forgive himself. Each
forgiveness process invoked must be comprehensive including each and every
element you find in this sermon.
Biblical Definition of Forgiveness of Others [found on the Internet]
As believers, our relationship with God is restored, but what about our
relationship with our fellow human beings? The Bible states that when someone
hurts us, we are under an obligation to God to forgive that person. Jesus is
very clear on this point:
Matthew 6:14-15
14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also
forgive you:
15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive
your trespasses.
Refusing to forgive is a sin. If we receive forgiveness from God, we must give
it to others who hurt us. We cannot hold grudges or seek revenge. We are to
trust God for justice and forgive the person who offended us. That does not mean
we must forget the offense, however; usually that's beyond our power.
Forgiveness means releasing the other from blame, leaving the event in God's
hands, and moving on.
How to Forgive: Understanding Others [found on the Internet with edits
by me]
Even when other people's criticism is valid, it's still hard to take. It reminds
us that we have failed in some way. We didn't measure up to their expectations,
and often when they remind us of that, tact is low on their priority list. True
forgiveness must stop the criticism and it must greatly limit or stop what some
call, "constructive criticism." Rather than constant constructive criticism,
the offended needs to show love and give encouragement; constant encouragement.
Sometimes our critics [which can often include the one you offended] have
ulterior motives. They may very well be engaging in revenge and wanting to hurt
you more than you hurt them. All these attacks are forms of hatred and may
result in the offender running from further contact with the offended.
Jesus understood the brokenness of the human condition. No one knows the human
heart like him. He forgave tax collectors and prostitutes, and forgave his best
friend Peter, for betraying him. On the stake, he even forgave the people who
killed him. He knows that humans—all humans—are weak.
For us, though, it usually doesn't help to know that those who have hurt us are
weak. All we know is that we were injured and we can't seem to get over it.
Jesus' command in the Lord's Prayer seems too hard to obey:
Matthew 6:12
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
I went to a clinical web site that had a piece on forgiveness.
What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative
thoughts of bitterness and resentment.
Forgiveness can be a gift that we give to ourselves. Here are some easy steps
towards forgiveness:
Acknowledge your own inner pain.
Express those emotions in non-hurtful ways without yelling or attacking.
Protect yourself from further victimization.
Try to understand the point of view and motivations of the person to be forgiven; replace anger with compassion.
Forgive yourself for your role in the relationship.
Decide whether to remain in the relationship. This may include ending the relationship for a period of time or possibly forever.
Perform the overt act of forgiveness verbally or in
writing. If the person is dead or unreachable, you can still write down your
feelings in letter form.
What Forgiveness Is Not…
Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending it didn’t happen. It did happen, and
we need to retain the lesson learned without holding onto the pain.
Forgiveness is not excusing. We excuse a person who is not to blame. We forgive because a wrong was committed.
Forgiveness is not giving permission to continue hurtful behaviors; nor is it condoning the behavior in the past or in the future.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation. We have to make a
separate decision about whether to reconcile with the person we are forgiving or
whether to maintain our distance.
I found another definition on the Internet.
What is a definition for forgiveness?
A definition for forgiveness could be -- giving up my right to hurt you, for
hurting me. It is impossible to live on this fallen planet without getting hurt,
offended, misunderstood, lied to, and rejected. Learning how to respond properly
is one of the basics of the Christian life.
The word “forgive” means to wipe the slate clean, to pardon, to cancel a debt.
When we wrong someone, we seek his or her forgiveness in order for the
relationship to be restored. It is important to remember that forgiveness is not
granted because a person deserves to be forgiven. Instead, it is an act of love,
mercy, and grace.
How we act toward that person may change. It doesn't mean we will put ourselves
back into a harmful situation or that we suddenly accept or approve of the
person's continued wrong behavior. It simply means we release them from the
wrong they committed against us. We forgive them because God forgave us.
From the Wikipedia:
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes
a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, let’s go of negative
emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender
well.
Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong
and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as
responsible for the action), forgetting (removing awareness of the
offense from consciousness), and reconciliation (restoration of a
relationship)
This next excerpt comes from the site of an attorney:
Forgiveness is not only a result, but a process of letting go of the past and
opening to the future, of reclaiming energy from events we do not need in our
lives, and of accepting ourselves more fully. It is a way of releasing ourselves
from the past, from the burden of our own false expectations, and from the pain
we have experienced at the hands of others. It is a release from judgment
including our judgments of ourselves.
Forgiveness does not mean we agree with what the other party did, or that what
they did was right, or that we should excuse their actions. It means separating
forgivable people from unforgivable actions. Forgiveness does not mean we can
change what happened or erase what was done. What's done is done. All we can do
is release ourselves from continuing to suffer for what happened to us in the
past and dedicate ourselves to making sure that it does not happen in the
future.
Forgiveness is not something we do for someone else, but to free ourselves from
unhealthy pain, anger and shame. Anger gives the appearance of being powerful,
but leaves us feeling frustrated and powerless. Forgiveness appears weak, but
leaves us feeling stronger and less vulnerable to others. Forgiveness is a gift
to our own peace of mind, our self-esteem, our relationships with others and our
future. It frees us from entanglement in the past. It helps us reestablish
control over our lives by letting go of unpleasant things in the past and frees
us to move in more positive directions.
Forgiveness cannot be forced or coerced, but can only be given freely. Each of
us has the power to do so independently of others. It is a choice, and it is
within our control. By not forgiving the person who wronged us we continue to
inflict the pain they caused on ourselves.
Forgiveness is a personal choice that requires us to take responsibility for our
actions and feelings. It requires us to be responsible to and for ourselves,
even for our own continued pain and humiliation. It means being responsible for
the choices we make, including anger and releasing ourselves from anger. It
means taking back the responsibility and power we have given to someone else for
our feelings.
Anger links us through a negative bond with the person we cannot forgive. When
we cannot forgive, the other person remains, haunting our thoughts. A single
memory or sight of them can throw us off balance or spark an addictive response.
By refusing to forgive them, we are controlled by them as we would have been if
we had never left their side. Forgiveness leads to release from being controlled
negatively by the image of them that we have internalized.
Beyond forgiveness lies the possibility of reconciliation, which is the point at
which the conflict comes full circle and is actually completely ended. This last
phase of the resolution process takes place after the fighting has ceased, the
issues have been settled, and the other person has been forgiven. Reconciliation
means being able to be in the other person's presence without a twinge of anger
or discomfort.
Forgiving the other does not end the process. Everyone in conflict needs to
forgive themselves. People who are deeply angry at others are also angry that
they tolerated disrespectful or painful behavior, so they turn their anger
against themselves. For conflict to be transcended, it must be let go of at both
ends, and in the middle as well. Even when forgiveness and reconciliation occur,
they need to be reinforced and supported by others, and by the culture of the
family and relationship.
We are never the same once we have been harmed or injured and we are never the
same once we have reached forgiveness and reconciliation.
I now want to share some quotes on forgiveness.
QUOTES
General:
"Forgiveness is God's command."
"Forgiving is not easy, but it is the path to healing."
"Forgiveness means letting go of the past."
"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the
future."
On forgiving others:
"Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound
we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace
without forgiveness."
"It's not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is
such a powerful place, because it frees you."
"Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others,
to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly."
"We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds
and nursing old grudges."
"When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive."
On forgiving yourself:
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
"People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive
yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on."
"Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on."
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
So how do we Fully Forgive? Let us finish this sermon by looking at how God
forgives fully.
We must acknowledge the fact that Christ died for our sins and then it is
important we harbor no hatred for anyone. We must release that hatred in all
its forms.
1 John 2:1
1 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any
man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:
2 And he is the propitiation [pruh-pish-ee-ey-shuh n-meaning conciliate,
reconcile] for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the
whole world.
3 And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments.
4 He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and
the truth is not in him.
5 But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby
know we that we are in him.
6 He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he
walked.
7 Brethren, I write no new commandment unto you, but an old commandment which ye
had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word which ye have heard from
the beginning.
8 Again, a new commandment I write unto you, which thing is true in him and in
you: because the darkness is past, and the true light now shineth.
9 He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even
until now.
10 He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion
of stumbling in him.
11 But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and
knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes.
12 I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his
name's sake.
Does God cleanse us from all unrighteousness? If so, when?
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to
cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Notice that word, "Cleanse." God takes away the negative element completely.
It no longer exists. It cannot be brought up for the rest of the offender’s
life.
Our forgiveness should be like God's.
Psalm 103:10-14
10 He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our
iniquities.
11 For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them
that fear him.
12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our
transgressions from us.
13 Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear
him.
14 For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
When it comes to the person we forgive, our attitude, thinking and procedure
must be the same as God's.
Does God cleanse us from all unrighteousness? If so, when?
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to
cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Quick Rules of Full Forgiveness:
WHAT YOU THINK, KNOW AND ACKNOWLEDGE CONTINUALLY
---Acknowledge continually that Christ died for our sins.
---Acknowledge and understand continually that God forgives you your sins
continually.
---Acknowledge and understand that all humans are fallible and weak.
---Understand it is impossible to live on this fallen planet without getting
hurt, offended, misunderstood, lied to, and/or rejected.
---Understand that forgiveness is different from condoning, excusing, forgetting
or reconciliation.
---Understand that forgiveness means separating forgivable people from
unforgivable actions.
---Know that forgiveness is a personal release from unhealthy pain, anger and
shame.
---Know that by not forgiving the person who wronged us we continue to inflict
the pain they caused on ourselves.
---Immerse yourself in the Word of God.
---Meditate on the quotes on forgiveness, as well as, the elements of this
sermon, including how God forgives.
WHAT YOU DO
---Forgive everyone who hurts or offends you.
---As you forgive the offender, forgive yourself. Release both offender and the
offended from the offense.
---If the offended engages in forms of revenge and wanting to hurt and punish
you, forgive them, but do all you can to stop or avoid those forms of hatred.
---Protect yourself from further victimization.
WHAT YOU ADD
---Add to each act of forgiveness the elements of tenderness, bowels of mercies,
kindness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forbearance, compassion, pity,
courtesy, and the admonition to not render evil for evil.
---If you involve constructive criticism, employ love and constant
encouragement.
WHAT YOU SUBTRACT
---Release all need for revenge, bitterness and resentment.
WHAT YOU PURGE
---Purge out the sin or offense from all consideration. Understand it no longer
exists.
---Clear the offender from any charge of guilt or fault. Never again blame that
offender for that specific sin or offense.
---Purge out from your mind and life the negative elements of blame, cruelty,
meanness, accusation or punishment.
WHAT YOU DECIDE AFTER THE FORGIVENESS
---Decide whether to remain in the relationship.
So go now and Fully Forgive.