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Las Vegas, Nevada
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Overcoming Loneliness
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Gen. 2:18 - "it is not good for man to be alone" 2. Hebrew word yahid - "solitary, isolated, lonely" Psalm 25:16 - "I am lonely and afflicted"
New Testament Luke 4:42 - "He departed and went to a lonely place"
Dictionary definitions
•the state of being alone in
solitary isolation Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Many people have times when they are alone through circumstances or choice. Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable, and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individual's control. Solitude is the state of being alone and secluded from other people, and often implies having made a conscious choice to be alone. Loneliness is unwanted solitude. Loneliness does not require being alone and is experienced even in crowded places. It can be described as the absence of identification, understanding or compassion. Loneliness can be described as a feeling of isolation from other individuals, regardless of whether one is physically isolated from others or not. It may also be described as a yearning for love or companionship, which is unfulfilled, but cannot seemingly be achieved, or may stem from the lack of love in one's life, and hence may lead to emotions such as rejection, despair and low self-esteem. Feelings of loneliness may be similar to feelings of the death or loss of a loved one.
Differentiating some terms
a. It is healthy to be alone
sometimes.
Solitude - choosing to
withdraw and be alone
a. to retreat John 6:15 When Jesus therefore perceived that they would come and take him by force, to make him a king, he departed again into a mountain himself alone.
b. to rest and relax
c. to pray
Mark 1:35
d. to hear from God
e. to be silent - Circumstances in which loneliness may be experienced. We may feel lonely when... A. guilt causes you to feel separated 1. from God - Psalm 25:16 2. from other men - Genesis 27:1-29; 32:24; 33:1-17 B. you feel rejected, abandoned, deserted by others - John 16:32; 2 Timothy 4:16,17 C. you are voluntarily or forcefully removed from safe, secure environment D. you experience the "let down" after a spiritual victory - 1 Kings 19:10,14 E. previous successes or popularity have subsided F. you have suffered a defeat G, you are too busy chasing "success" to relate to others. H. you are "burned out" after having tried to achieve by self-effort - John 8:29 I. you are separated from the group by leadership responsibilities - "lonely at the top" - Numbers 11:14,17; Deuteronomy1:9,12; Matthew 26:38-40 J. you have suffered the loss of a loved one by death or divorce K. you are fearful and timid - 1 John 4:18 L. you feel inferior, unworthy, self-condemnation, insecure M. you are physically removed or separated from those you know and love. N. others reject or ostracize you for being different, or for nonconformity O. you fail to resolve conflict and misunderstanding; estrangement P. you fail to communicate; avoidance; repression; stuff emotions Q. you have chosen to "stand alone" against world, sin, religion (Jeremiah 15:17) R. others are not enthused about your interests or project. S. you don't take the time to enjoy others and have fun together T. you have been prejudged, stereotyped, pegged, put in a box U. your particular talents and abilities and personality are not appreciated V. you don't fit in - economically, intellectually, politically, religiously, etc. W. you don't feel connected, bonded, able to relate -emotionally, spiritually X. friends only relate on superficial level; won't get serious and real Y. you have been excluded from a particular social grouping Z. you feel like an outsider, the "odd man out" AA. your present responsibilities (parenting, vocation, etc.) preclude or diminish the development of relationships BB. you retire from your vocation and no longer relate to colleagues daily CC. another person is regarded as your "life," & they can't meet all your needs DD. you do not feel a sense of oneness, unity and intimacy with your mate EE. you have refused to receive the love and intimacy of your mate - Song of Solomon 5:3-6 FF. you have been betrayed by a mate or a friend - Genesis 3:12 GG. you alienate others by your verbosity, accusations, insensitive comments HH. you alienate others by using them in competitive or economic success II. you alienate others by criticism, negativism, sarcasm, pessimism, hostility, cruelty, JJ. you alienate others by your selfishness, egotism, or spiritual pride. KK. you make work, projects, things, possessions more important than people. LL. you feel you cannot perform up to expectations MM. others are too preoccupied with their concerns to relate with you NN. crisis arises and no one offers to listen or assist. OO. you feel left behind by a fast-paced technological society PP. children grow up, go to school, leave home
QQ. isolated due to injury;
secluded or ignored due to age (Psalm 71:9, 18) ---Fame always brings loneliness. Success is as ice cold and lonely as the North Pole. --- Loneliness is not the absence of affection, but the absence of direction. --- Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word, loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word, solitude to express the glory of being alone --- Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. ---Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is. ---Man has no choice but to love. For when he does not, he finds his alternatives lie in loneliness, destruction and despair. ---Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. ---The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.
---Loneliness is the first thing
which God's eye named, not good.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Psalm 23:4
Psalms 27:10
Psalm 40:17
Psalms 46:1
Psalm 139:8-10
Psalm 147:3
Isaiah 41:10
Matthew 26:38
Matthew 28:20
John 14:18
Romans 8:35-39
Hebrews 13:5
1 Peter 5:7
1] Secular Solutions
a) Mental adjustment
b) Get Active
c) Overcome and/or stop the negatives 2] Biblical Solutions a) reconciliation with God
Colossians 1:21-22 b) Confess known sins
1 John 1:9 c) Accept God's forgiveness
Ephesians 1:7
Colossians 1:14 d) Forgive others
Ephesians 4:32 e) Recognize and affirm the presence of God and Christ
Joshua 1:9
Psalm 23
Isaiah 41:10
Isaiah 43:2
Matthew 28:20
John 16:32
Hebrews 13:5 f) Invoke the power of the Holy Spirit
John 14:16, 26
John 15:26
John 16:7 g) Fellowship
Hebrews 10:25 h) Give of your gifts and talents to the Body of Christ
Romans 12:4-6 1. Realize that such times of loneliness are common to all people, but they should be temporary. The psalmist asked himself, "Why art thou cast down, oh my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me?". And then immediately he comes back with the answer, "Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance" (Psalm 42: 5). 2. Remember that God is always available to help you overcome loneliness. One of the verses that has helped me puts it this way, "But I trusted in thee, 0 Lord. I said, thou art my God, my times art in thy hands" (Psalms 31:14-15). If God is directing your life, you will not have any real cause to worry or be alarmed. "In nothing be anxious", wrote the Apostle Paul, "but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God and the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7). 3. Decide to get busy helping others. If Elijah had answered the question "What doest thou here?, he would have had to say, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing". That was why he had time to feel sorry for himself and be lonely. God involves us in good works to our great advantage. Help those who are sick or shut-in. Call a person on the phone to cheer him up. Mail a card of sunshine to a friend. You and I are in the world to serve, to live, to help, and when we are doing this we just don't have time to feel sorry for ourselves. That's the way God answers our problems of loneliness.
Item Three: God can use the pain of loneliness to move you into a deeper relationship with Himself and others, as an opportunity to learn, grow, deepen, develop and mature. What Satan has designed for evil, God can use for good. We can become more than conquerors (Romans 8:37). But where do we start? First, seek fellowship with God. Thank Him and praise Him for His person, His promises and His lovingkindness. That's what David did in Psalm 142. Pour out your heart to Him in prayer. Share your concerns, hurts, fears, frustrations and discouragements. Christ has promised to be with us always, "even until the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20). addition, He is our great high priest who understands us and can sympathize with us (Hebrews 4:15). We are told to "draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need" (v. 17). Second, notice what you are telling yourself about your loneliness. On a sheet of paper, complete the phrase "I am lonely because . . ." ten times. Are you blaming yourself, God, other people, fate or circumstances? These may be excuses to keep you from trusting God and risking growth. On the back of that paper, write ten specific promises from God's Word regarding His love and His plans and provisions for you. Third, develop some creative options. What are the possibilities? Thank God that you don't have to suffer from chronic loneliness. Take another sheet of paper and complete the phrase "With God's help I can. . ." ten times. What haven't you tried? What have you tried that you can try again? Talk to others who have overcome loneliness and find out what worked for them. Learn from the Apostle Paul. When he was in prison, he didn't just sit around feeling bad. He took the initiative. He wrote letters to his friends: asked them to visit him: shared his emotions, joys and sorrows with the Lord and with his friends. He looked for ways to minister to and encourage others. Look around you. What concerns and needs do you see? Don't just think of people you know. Consider people at church or in your community whom you may have heard about but have never met. What skills, interests or resources has God given you? What can you do to reach out and help others? Even little acts of kindness and little deeds of love are no longer little when God is in them. Most lonely people have inadequate communication skills, which make reaching out even more threatening. A valuable fourth step for lonely people is to work on increasing your communication skills. John Powell, in his book Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? lists five levels of communication.
Item Four Realize loneliness is common to all humans. Even if you do everything right—behave perfectly in friendships, have a heart for others, keep your life straight—the bad news is, you'll be lonely sometimes. (Even if you marry the "right person," you'll still have times of intense loneliness.) How do we know that? Because Jesus, at the worst moment of his life, was abandoned by the people he'd poured his life into. Jesus made it clear; while he was praying in Gethsemane, that he needed them: "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death." He expressed exactly what he wanted from them: "Stay here and watch with me" (26:38). But his three special friends fell asleep; not even one stayed awake. (See Matthew 26:36-46) In the rawest edges of life, it's God, and God alone, who sustains you. Everyone you know will desert you at some time. Some will willingly leave your physical presence; others will flee your companionship; still others will die. But the Lord has promised, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5). Jesus sympathizes with you in your loneliness. He knows what it feels like to be abandoned, and he can comfort you. (See also Psalm 22; Psalm 68:4-6; 2 Timothy 4:16-18; Revelation 3:20-22.) |
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Las Vegas, Nevada Church of God - part of The Intercontinental Church of God and The Garner Ted Armstrong Evangelistic Association - Tyler, Texas |