Survey of Firstfruit Fundamentals

Lesson 6:  Relationships    printer-friendly  MP3

"Success is nothing more than a few basic spiritual disciplines, practiced every day."

"Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals."
 

Question 1:   Does God require you to date within the church?

A firstfruit may date anyone they wish.
 
Now the lecture.
 
The primary living metaphors that teach us about God and His ways are male, female, marriage, family and sexual intercourse. All of these were created by God for very specific purposes, so it would be absurd to think that God is not involved in the relationships of firstfruits and especially any relationship that would end in marriage.
 
In scripture we see God very involved in a couple of marriages.
 
Adam and Eve. Genesis 2
Isaac and Rebekah. Genesis 24
 
My long experience in both life and the church would bring me to conclude that God arranges marriages for firstfruits. It would also bring me to conclude that God would arrange those marriages between firstfruits. Notice what God says to Israel about marrying people other than from Israel.
 
Deuteronomy 7:1-4
1 When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;
2 And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:
3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.
4 For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
 
Ezra 10:10-14
10 And Ezra the priest stood up, and said unto them, Ye have transgressed, and have taken strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel.
11 Now therefore make confession unto the LORD God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives.
12 Then all the congregation answered and said with a loud voice, As thou hast said, so must we do.
13 But the people are many, and it is a time of much rain, and we are not able to stand without, neither is this a work of one day or two: for we are many that have transgressed in this thing.
14 Let now our rulers of all the congregation stand, and let all them which have taken strange wives in our cities come at appointed times, and with them the elders of every city, and the judges thereof, until the fierce wrath of our God for this matter be turned from us.
 
Look at that last phrase again, "until the fierce wrath of our God for this matter be turned from us." This is about as strong as it gets when it comes to understanding God's feelings. We are spiritual Israel. Spiritual logic would clearly dictate that the best course of action would be to date and marry in the church.
 
At the same time, I have witnessed members dating and then marrying individuals who were almost immediately called as firstfruit.
 
Now some may bring up the unconverted mate scriptures in 1 Corinthians 7.
 
 1 Corinthians 7:12-13
 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
 
This statement precludes that the firstfruit was already married when he or she was called. There is no direct statement that mandates or even discusses firstfruits dating, marrying or having relationships outside of the faith.
 
Therefore, if firstfruits decide to date or marry outside the church, they must count the costs. Depending on the individual and unique situation, the costs could be higher for some than others.
 
 I recommend they think out every decision carefully and over a period of time. Get counseling.
 
 Count the costs.

Question 2: It is a different time than in Worldwide, when we had thousands of members.  What if there are few members in your area?

You may date anyone you wish.
 
Another lecture.
 
God knew before the foundation of the World was laid that there would be a time when the church would be scattered. Does one think that He did not think on the reality that firstfruits would have the same needs for companionship and marriage as when the church was much larger.
 
 Rebekah did not live anywhere near Isaac but God brought them together.
 
The work that God and Christ do with us is very specific and they know about and see to every minute detail. He knows our every want and desire. He knows about our loneliness, our desire for closeness, for a companion, for deepening relationships, for love and for marriage. He does everything in our lives according to His own good will. He is perfect in all His ways. Notice some scriptures that speak to the love and concern both God the Father and Jesus Christ has for us. Instead of just reading the scriptures, imagine either God the Father or Jesus Christ making these statements face-to-face in your own home.
 
John 3:16-17
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
 
Note: A firstfruit must be able to grasp the meaning of this statement about His love for us. The most awesome being in the Universe loves us? The human mind cannot possibly understand the depth of this love for us. He cares about every aspect of our lives.
 
John 16:27
For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.
 
1 John 4:19
We love him, because he first loved us.
 
Psalm 27:7
Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
 
Note: God would not have this plea recorded in His Word if He had no intention of answering us.
 
Psalm 136:1-3
1 O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
2 O give thanks unto the God of gods: for his mercy endureth for ever.
3 O give thanks to the Lord of lords: for his mercy endureth for ever.
 
Note: If we are doing God's will and obeying Him, He will have mercy on us.
 
Psalm 145:20a
The LORD preserveth all them that love him...
 
Note: This preserving of us involves the physical, the mental, the emotional as well as the spiritual.
 
Ephesians 3:17-19
17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
 
Note: God knows our status.
 
Joshua 1:9
Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
 
Note: One of my favorite verses in the Bible. I have it framed in my office. It says it all. If He is with us whithersoever we go, He is surely in touch with every desire that we have. He can provide everything according to His will for us.
 
Colossians 1:3
We give thanks to God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you.
 
Note: Another verse God wrote in the Bible. This is Paul praying for the members at Colosse. I am sure Paul's prayers for them were both general and specific. God hears those prayers and knows who His people are.
 

Lamentations 3:22-23
22 It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
 
Note: Great is His faithfulness. This is a specific promise for our lives now.
 
Romans 15:13
Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
 
Note: God is giving us the ability to hope and to believe and to have joy and peace. If it is His will for us to have a relationship and/or mate in marriage, He can provide it.
 
In this time in church history, with the brethren being so scattered, this has been a concern for many.  Circumstances, however, do not limit God.  That is, if God is the author and arranger of firstfruit marriages, then He will continue to do this despite the circumstances of those firstfruits on earth.

Question 3: What is God's priority in bringing two people together?

My first response to this is to say that the mind of God is far above the mind of man and therefore we cannot know the priorities He has in mind for a specific marriage.
 
Having said that, the greatest priority of bringing people together in relationship and/or marriage is to learn about Him. This is why He created male and female. This is why He created the concepts of family and marriage. This is why He created sexual intercourse. Each of these teaches us something about God. We know that man represents Christ and the woman, the church. The family is a model of the God Family. Marriage is the bonding of Christ with the church. Sexual intercourse is the act that has the male and female becoming one flesh. It is a living metaphor of bonding spiritually; becoming one with the God Family in salvation. This is the primary purpose of God bring two together in relationship and, God willing, marriage.
 
This is all enhanced if the people in question are firstfruits and possessing the Spirit of God in them. This is why I believe that if it be God's will that a specific firstfruit be married that it would be His will and desire that it be another firstfruit.
 
In serious relationships between man and woman and marriage, we learn about love. Therefore, love is a priority in bringing people together.
 
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
 
1 John 4:7
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
 
In marriage we learn about the role of husbands and wives
 
Ephesians 5:21-33
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
 
See the sermon, "Mystery, He Wrote"
 
In marriage we learn about loyalty to our mate verses the evilness of adultery.
 
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
 
 We learn about righteousness and peace.
 
 Psalm 85:10
 Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other.
 
 The Priorities of God in Bringing Two People together.
 
 1] To learn about Him, His plan and His ways.
 2] To learn about love.
 3] To become one flesh. To bond physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
 4] To experience the highest level of communication.
 5] To create a family. To create Godly character in each individual in the family.
 6] To experience sexual bonding at all levels - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
 7] To obtain favor of the Lord.
 
 Proverbs 18:22
 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

Question 4: Should I be ok with dating someone who feels strongly about their faith [nominal Christians]?  

My first inclination is to say, "no."

Notice some verses:

2 Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

1 Corinthians 15:33
Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

1 Corinthians 2:14
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

Notice what God said to Israel as they entered the Promised Land:

Deuteronomy 7:1-3
1 When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;
2 And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:
3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.

It is bad enough to marry one not heavily engaged in worldly religion without having to consider one who feels strongly about their faith.  The conflicts will be many.  Bitterness and resentment could easily develop.  Of course, every case will be unique.  I have seen cases where a firstfruits marries someone, who, it turns out, was immediately called to the faith.  I would think the firstfruit would sense this and/or had specific communications to know how the intended spouse feels about your religion.

Since this question is about dating, the scriptures in 1 Corinthians 7 about the unbelieving mate being pleased to live with his or her firstfruit spouse do not apply as this firstfruit was married at the time of his or her calling to the faith.

Remember what happened to Solomon when he married outside the faith.

1 Kings 11:4
For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father.

The whole idea of marrying a person is to become one flesh; the deepest kind of relationship.  This bonding is at the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual levels.  Marrying or even dating one strong in another faith goes counter to this concept.

Question 5: Should I bring up my faith early in meeting someone? 

Absolutely yes.
 
Your religion, as a firstfruit, is your life and being.  This cannot remain hidden and should not.  Now return to Question 4.
 
As I stated in Question 4, every case will be unique.  It could very well be that your friend, should this all lead to matrimony, is being called to the faith.  This knowledge will manifest itself early in the relationship.  I have never seen a case where the friend or spouse was called much later.
 
To hide your religion or anything else is a form of lying.
 
Colossians 3:9
Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; .
 
Ephesians 4:25
Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.
 
Zechariah 8:16
These are the things that ye shall do; Speak ye every man the truth to his neighbour; execute the judgment of truth and peace in your gates:

Question 6: Couldn't God use love to convert someone to the truth?

My answer to this is no.  I will explain.
 
Love is a fruit of conversion and not generally the means to it.  Conversion is a miracle of God.  If God wants someone converted, He will call them.  He will not use your love to convert them; He will use His love to convert them.  See my Minister's Notebook piece, "It's All About Godly Calling."
 
As stated in Questions 4 and 5, I have seen cases where God has brought two people together [a firstfruit and unbeliever] only to call the unbeliever during courtship or soon after the wedding.  God converts; not the firstfruit.
 
Clearly the devoted love of a firstfruit will be a very meaningful element in the overall relationship but I would never rely on it, alone to affect the outcome; namely, bringing another to the faith.  That is God the Father's work alone.

Question 7: If I am faithful to the truth, is God going to bring someone into my life if they are not open to my religion?

Generally no.  The better conclusion is that if you are faithful to the truth AND it be God's will, He will bring someone into your life.
 
The question I might have for you is, "If you are being faithful to the truth, wouldn't your first and foremost desire be that God brings you a potential mate who is also a firstfruit?
 
Now I understand the concern about there being no potential firstfruit mates in your city or state, but distance would never limit what God can do.  We know that God knows, intimately, every one of your desires and we also know that God can do anything.  If it was God's will that I marry a specific woman and this woman currently lived in Naples, Italy, He would bring us together.  Distance means nothing to the will and plan of God.  Circumstance means nothing to God.  That is to say that none of these things are obstacles to God.

Question 8: How do I know if I am in a good relationship, approved of God?

I might counter here with the question, how do you know a true minister from a false one?  How do you know what the will of God is in every situation?  You know by means of two very important factors:
 
1] The fruit borne out of the situation.
2] Unction of the Holy Spirit [1 John 2:20].
 
If the relationship is approved of God, then the relationship is according to sanctification or His will.  His will in any relationship, especially those He has decreed will end in marriage, is that the two individuals bond and become one flesh.  The first step to this is communication.  As the relationship grows, the levels of communications will deepen.  There are, according to one major source, five levels of communication.  See them here.  If you ever attain level 4 or 5, as you see them described there, then you can conclude that the relationship is approved of by God.  Those levels of communication are definite fruits.
 
Another factor that will give you the knowledge that the relationship is approved of by God is Time.  It was Dear Abby [Abigail Van Buren] who encouraged readers in potential marital relationships to "summer and winter" with the individual before there is talk of marriage.  That is, give time for the relationship to grow and the levels of communication to deepen.
 
All of this will lead to unction in the heart and mind of the firstfruit.  God would clearly give direct information to the mind of the firstfruit on this highly important relationship.  The closer you are to God through immersion in His Word, prayer and meditation coupled with the time in the Salvation Process, the better this unction will be.

back to the top      back to Firstfruit Fundamentals