Survey of Firstfruit Fundamentals

Lesson 11:  Being Single   printer-friendly  MP3

"Success is nothing more than a few basic spiritual disciplines, practiced every day."

"Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals."
 

Lessons in Firstfruit Fundamentals – Lesson 11 – Being Single

The subject for this evening is, "Being single."  Some of you married folk might be wondering how this Bible study will help you.  I made a list:

1] you were once single.
2] you know single people in the church, in your family and in the world.
3] we will be in scriptures tonight and all scriptures carry power and wisdom for singles and married alike.
4] the subjects and emotions we will discuss regarding singles could be in your past, present or future.

What do we mean by "being single?"

As you are going to see, every single person in the church is a unique situation.  Every single person in the church is unique.  They could be:

1] single all their life so far.
2] divorced
3] divorced more than once.
4] divorced with young children
5] divorced with older or fully-grown children.
6] a widow or widower
7] a combination of the above elements.

Example: a person who was divorced from their first spouse, had a second spouse die and has one or more grown children.

Add to this the element of the currently single person being:

A] a young adult [18-35]
B] middle aged [36-55]
C] old [56-65]
D] really old [66-100+]

There is another element among the divorced, widows and widowers and this is their current relationship with their divorced mate and/or how they hold the departed mate in their mind and emotions.  Some had fabulous relationships and marriages.  Some who have lost mates are fiercely loyal to that mate.

Still another element among singles is their dating and relationship history in the past and present.  Some have experienced many relationships at various levels of intensity and others few or none.

We could also add the single person's current location, current career and current financial situation.  Add to this the subject of health.  Some are in perfect health.  Some have chronic health situations.  Others may be disabled and/or are suffering from severe health situations which could be physical, mental and/or emotional.  In this part of the discussion, we would have to consider whether the single person is fighting some extremely bad habits or addictions.  We could also discuss mental and psychological diseases or conditions.

Then we have to consider the spiritual maturity of the individual.

All these element and combinations of elements make for rather unique singles in the Church of God.  And being unique, they could experience any of the following struggles of singleness:

1] Identity (who am I?  What is my purpose?)
2] Loneliness
3] Rejection (feeling rejected or holding a fear of rejection)
4] Fear, as in the fear of being alone.
5] Bitterness (regarding divorce, current or past relationships or their perceived lot in life)
6] Sexuality, including sexual desire
7] Self-worth

Let us look at these seven elements:

1] Identity.
My belief is that this emotion visits all of us and not just the single members.  Who am I?  What is my purpose?  Why did God call me?

Ephesians 2:10 
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

John 3:21
But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

1 Corinthians 3:9
For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, ye are God's building.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

Philippians 2:13
For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

Hebrews 13:21
Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Single or married, you have a purpose.   You have a calling.  You have a mission.  Interestingly, when it comes to the servants of God, marriages and relationships are a calling of God.  Who set up the marriage between Adam and Eve.  God identified the need and even created the woman for the man.  We see God arranging marriages throughout the Old Testament.

2] Loneliness
There is the physical fact of being alone and then, there is the emotion of loneliness.  The dictionary defines, "Loneliness" as being affected mentally and emotionally due to the fact one is alone.  It says that loneliness can cause or be allowed to cause depression.  Depression is the opposite of contentment.  The same dictionary defines contentment as being in a state of satisfaction and where you have ease of mind.  To be in ease of mind is to say that you are not allowing negative emotions to rule or affect your mind, heart, emotions or attitudes.

Hebrews 13:5
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Luke 3:14
And the soldiers likewise demanded of him, saying, And what shall we do? And he said unto them, Do violence to no man, neither accuse any falsely; and be content with your wages.

Philippians 4:11-12
11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

1 Timothy 6:6-8 [see Lessons] 
6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.
7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.
8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.

Be content with what you have and be content with your situation, even if you are single.  God is in charge and is deeply in touch with all your needs, thoughts, attitudes and desires.  Everything is done by His will.

3] Rejection
There is the fear of rejection and then there are the emotions of sorrow and despair when we feel we are not wanted or thinking one is not lovable.  This is generally not the case.  If someone is somehow rejecting you, this just means that this is not the person for you.  If a new person is to be, God will be the one doing the bringing.  Keep in mind that I am not speaking only of romance, and the potential for a new marriage.  I am talking about relationships with the opposite sex and/or what society calls a gal-pal or guy-pal.

1 John 3:1 
Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.

Ephesians 3:18-20
18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

Ephesians 2:4-5
4 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
5 Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)

Romans 8:29-32
29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

4] Fear
Isaiah 40:10-11
10 Behold, the Lord GOD will come with strong hand, and his arm shall rule for him: behold, his reward is with him, and his work before him.
11 He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Isaiah 43:1
But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.

Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 94:19
In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.

Psalm 27:1
A Psalm of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

1 Peter 5:6-7
6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

2 Timothy 1:7 [see Lesson]
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

5] Bitterness
Divorce can bring on bitterness, especially when the mate cheated on the firstfruit in some way.  Life, itself, can bring on bitterness.  Loneliness and sorrow and all negative emotions and attitude and situations can result in some degree of bitterness.  This must be avoided at all costs.  Remember that God destroys bitterness and ultimately makes null and void all these events of our lives that would have brought on any kind of negative emotions or thoughts or attitudes.

Ephesians 4:31-32
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Hebrews 12:15
Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

James 1:19-20
19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

Proverbs 20:22
Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the LORD, and he shall save thee.

Ephesians 4:26
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

6] Sexuality, including sexual desire.
Notice the heading here is making a distinction between Sexuality and Sexual Desire.  Sexuality here can relate to touch, hugs, and intimacy on emotional and mental levels.  I speak often of the 5 levels of communication and talk of how wonderful it is to be in Level 5 with someone.  Level 5 is the level where each partner easily and freely bares their hearts and souls to the other.  One is blessed if he or she knows three people in a life time where this is experienced.  It is usually something we find between a man and a woman, but could exist between male-male and female-female relationships.  This level of communication is intimacy.  Once you have experienced it and lose it, you will long for it and desire it every day for the rest of your life.  I suppose the same could be said for Sexual Desire, but this is more specific and generally pertains to the mate one divorces or the one lost in death.  If the marriage was a good one and especially if the sexual relations were especially good, this will generally affect the firstfruit in one of two ways or both.  First, the memories will get you through the rest of your life.  Second, they may motivate you desire to know something like that again.  Both are understandable, but God understands these feelings and desires much more than we do.

Romans 12:1 
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

Philippians 2:17
Yea, and if I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I joy, and rejoice with you all.

Hebrews 10:20-22
20 By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh;
21 And having an high priest over the house of God;
22 Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.

Hebrews 13:15-16
15 By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.
16 But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.

1 Peter 2:5
Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ.

7] Self-Worth
One with a negative self-worth might say or feel that they are not valuable or that they are not worthy enough to be loved.  What does God say about this?

Isaiah 43:4-7
4 Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.
5 Fear not: for I am with thee: I will bring thy seed from the east, and gather thee from the west;
6 I will say to the north, Give up; and to the south, Keep not back: bring my sons from far, and my daughters from the ends of the earth;
7 Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him.

Psalm 135:4
For the LORD hath chosen Jacob unto himself, and Israel for his peculiar treasure.

Malachi 3:17
And they shall be mine, saith the LORD of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.

Titus 2:14-15 [see Lessons] 
14 Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
15 These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.

1 Peter 2:9
But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:

So these being the typical struggles for the single person, what would I recommend singles do?

In your Singleness before God, allow yourself to focus on being content and God's content in our relationship with Him.

Focus on pleasing God.

1 Corinthians 7:32
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

Have undivided devotion to the Lord

1 Corinthians 7:34-35
34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

Understand that singleness can be a happy state.