SUBJECT:  John 2:4 Statement by Jesus to His Mother

QUESTION:  Is Jesus showing a lack of love or honor to His mother with the statement in John 2:4?

ANSWER:

First the verses:

John 2:1-4

2:1 And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:

2 And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.

3 And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.

4 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.

This statement has absolutely nothing to do with lack of love of Jesus for His mother.

Notice the commentary:

John 2:4

[What have I to do with thee?] See the notes at Matthew 8:29. This expression is sometimes used to denote indignation or contempt. See Judges 11:12; 2 Samuel 16:10; 1 Kings 17:18. But it is not probable that it denoted either in this place; if it did, it was a mild reproof of Mary for attempting to control or direct him in his power of working miracles. Most of the ancients supposed this to be the intention of Jesus. The words sound to us harsh, but they might have been spoken in a tender manner, and not have been intended as a reproof. It is clear that he did not intend to refuse to provide wine, but only to DELAY it a little; and the design was, therefore, to compose the anxiety of Mary, and to prevent her being solicitous about it. It may, then, be thus expressed: "My mother, be not anxious. To you and to me this should not be a matter of solicitude. The proper time of my interfering has not yet come. When that is come I will furnish a supply, and in the meantime neither you nor I should be solicitous." Thus understood, it is so far from being a "harsh reproof," that it was a mild exhortation for her to dismiss her fears and to put proper trust in him. ~from Barnes' Notes

Note:  It says mild reproof.  It says that they might have been spoken in a tender manner.  It says that it is far from being a 'harsh reproof'.  Jesus does change the water to wine which is what she wanted.  Hardly a gesture of hate.

Notice another commentary:

John 2:3-5

And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.

Mary came to Jesus with the tidings that the wine supply had been exhausted. In his reply, the use of Woman does not involve disrespect (cf. John 19:26). What have I to do with thee? The words indicate division of interest and seem to suggest a measure of rebuke. Mary may have expected Jesus to use the situation to call attention to himself in a way that would have furthered his Messianic program. But his hour had not yet come. Later references point to the cross as the focal point of the hour (7:30; 8:20; 12:23; 13:1; 17:1). Jesus wanted his mother to understand that the former relationship between the two of them (Luke 2:51) was at an end. She was not to interfere in his mission. Mary wisely did not dispute the matter. If she could not command him, she could instruct the servants to obey his directions. Thus she showed her confidence in him. ~from The Wycliffe Bible Commentary

Note:  Again, no hate implied here.

Notice one more commentary:

John 2:4

Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.

[Woman, what have I to do with thee?] Ti (NT:5101) emoi (NT:1698) kai (NT:2532) soi (NT:4671) gunai (NT:1135):

O, woman, what is this to thee and me? This is an abrupt denial, as if he had said: "We are not employed to provide the necessaries for this feast: this matter belongs to others, who should have made a proper and sufficient provision for the persons they had invited." The words seem to convey a reproof to the virgin, for meddling with that which did not particularly concern her. The holiest persons are always liable to errors of judgment: and should ever conduct themselves with modesty and humility, especially in those things in which the providence of God is particularly concerned. But here indeed there appears to be no blame. It is very likely the bride or bridegroom's family were relatives of the blessed virgin; and she would naturally suppose that our Lord would feel interested for the honour and comfort of the family, and, knowing that he possessed extraordinary power, made this application to him to come forward to their assistance. Our Lord's answer to his mother, if properly translated, is far from being disrespectful. He addresses the virgin as he did the Syrophoenician woman, Matthew 15:28; as he did the Samaritan woman, John 4:21, as he addressed his disconsolate mother when he hung upon the cross, John 19:26, as he did his most affectionate friend Mary Magdalene, John 20:15, and as the angels had addressed her before, John 20:13; and as Paul does the believing Christian woman, 1 Corinthians 7:16; in all which places the same term, gunai (NT:1135), which occurs in this verse, is used; and where certainly no kind of disrespect is intended, but, on the contrary, complaisance, affability, tenderness, and concern, and in this sense it is used in the best Greek writers. ~from Adam Clarke's Commentary

Note:  This commentary state that this statement, "is far from being disrespectful".  You also see here that this sort of speech was used in other instances in His and Paul's ministry.  This commentary states that the statement was one of "complaisance, affability, tenderness and concern.